Sanji's Addiction
by The Demon Sisters
Summary: We all know Sanji smokes. Well, how woul our favorit little chain smoke fare with quiting? A humorus story with most of the crew is what befalls this story. It was firstl made as homework but its really funny and I got an A on it. Made by Siu


Yume: Hello! I don't own One Piece (phew, glad I got that off my chest). I'm here to tell you that this was homework for my health class, so thats why its a bit vague. Also I slipped in my OC (heheh, no one will knotice) and this takesplace before Alabasta. I know Vivi isn't in it but I didn't want to overload my teacher. Tell me what you think of it and if you don't like it then I'll change me to Nami and Nami to Robin.

Zoro: (asleep)

Yume: ...would you like to add anything? ...Zoro...ZORO!

Zoro: (snot bubble bursts) Huh? Wha?

Yume: (sigh) Well, enjoy

* * *

Sanji's Addiction

_They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it. "I have a problem". There I said it. . .And that helped nothing. Well this is a story of how I got past my addiction, with the help of some friends. _

…_I'll start from the beginning…_

It was a normal enough days, the salty breeze of the ocean blowing in my face. It carried the scent of freshly cooked meat and fish, which I had prepared. As the chef of the "Going Merry" it was my duty to make sure meals were cooked to a satisfactory amount. There had been a lot of stress lately, my captain showing several signs of A.D.D. He was running my patience thin with his constant questions and pleads for meat.

I served twelve courses to my shipmates – the ladies of course getting the better amount, not that anyone could tell. After all, I did win the title of "Greatest Cook in the Sea". The normal bickering started up, Luffy (the captain) eating most of the food, Zoro managing to get a few bites before falling asleep to narcolepsy, and Usopp fighting off Luffy from eating his serving. The women of the ship of course congratulated me on my heavenly food.

I smiled and thanked them, hearts in my eyes, and lit a cigarette. The doctor of the ship frowned, as did Yume, the ship's musician. I frowned back at her and shrugged it off. She looked at me with disgust and I ate some more of the salmon I had cooked.

"Sanji-kun," she said as I had dreaded. "Do you smoke while you cook?" I slammed my fist on the table, outraged by the accusation.

"I take pride in cooking every meal! Why would I try to harm you?"

"But you're endangering yourself," she mumbled. I said nothing, pouring a glass of wine. "And Chopper said you can get a really bad disease like Emphysema and Bronchitis." I stared at her dumbly. Since when had she learned what those were? She'd spent too much time with the doctor.

"Emphysema is a lung disease," said the doctor sourly. "The smoke punctures and rips holes in the lungs. This causes extreme shortness of breath and is potently lethal."

"Lethal? What does that mean?" asked Luffy.

"Deadly," answered Nami, the ship's navigator. "It means he could die."

"Sanji!' cried Luffy, running up to me and clinging to my leg. "Sanji's gonna die!"

"I ain't gonna die!" I yelled, shaking him off my leg.

"Sanji's gonna die!"

"I ain't gonna die!"

"Chopper, what's bronchitis?" asked Nami.

"It's when the bronchial tubes become filled with tar from the tobacco. The tar mats tiny hairs that are used to filter the air we breathe. Thus throat infections become much more numerous."

"Sanji's gonna die!"

"I ain't gonna die!"

"Who's gonna die?" asked Zoro who finally woke up.

I kicked the open the door to the kitchen, dislodging the captain in the process. On the other side of the wood I sighed and slumped against it – lighting another cigarette. I ignored all the noise and focused on the night sky. A few minutes later the door opened again and Yume walked out of it – tripping over me and landing with a thud. She laughed lightly and I found it hard to stay angry.

"Sorry, for making you angry back there," she mumbled.

"S'ok," I said, taking a deep intake of the smoke.

"It's just, I worry for your health – and ours." I looked up, a bit shocked. "This stunned me." She pointed to the smoke which burned off the tip of my cigarette. "It's called side stream smoke. Chopper says it's really harmful – more so than you smoking."

"How can that be?" I asked.

"It's because – may I see a cigarette?" Unwilling to give up the one in my mouth, I handed over a fresh one. "This - the brown part, it's a filter. This filter is what makes it less harmful for you to smoke. It cleaned the smoke of all the bad stuff. This on the other hand," she gestured to the burning smoke, "is unfiltered and unaltered – thus its much more harmful." She sat next to me and lay with her back against the wall, as I did. "Chopper also said that there is arsenic and formaldehyde in the cigarettes."

"Funny," I said sarcastically. She stuck out her tongue and stood up.

"So are you going to stop?" she asked.

"Nope."

"Sanji," she sighed, looking up to the sky. "Please, I don't want you to die."

"It ain't gonna happen."

"And it won't – if you stop." Silence passed as seagulls swooped down to catch fish, the sky as dark as ever. I looked to her and her bottom lip was quivering. I blinked and looked away. "Please Sanji-kun," she whimpered. Put any healthy man in that position and they would do as I did. Grumbling I gave her my pack of cigarettes. She smiled innocently and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I smiled dumbly, hearts in my eyes, and vaguely watched her leave.

It was only after the door shut did I realize what had happened. One of the sirens of the sea had swindled me out of my nicotine. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen. Upon entering I was congratulated by practically everyone (Zoro set aside – asleep again) and attacked by Luffy.

"Sanji's gonna live!" he cried.

"I want them back!" I demanded with equal force.

"You do?" asked Yume.

"Yes – now." I stretched out my arms and opened my palm to emphasize the point.

"Uh, sorry Sanji. But you see, I uh, well. . ." said the last member of the crew, Usopp, gesturing to the now blazing fire.

"WHAT?!"

A few minutes and much shouting and yelling later, I had retreated to the men's quarter. A brief period of time later the men of the crew filed in for sleep. I managed to give Usopp a long death glare before turning away from everyone and pulling a blanket over my head.

"Is he gonna be ok? I have a feeling he hates me," whispered Usopp, afraid to rouse me.

"He's just being stubborn. Ignore him," said Zoro, uncaring to muffle his voice.

"Zoro! Shh – do you _want_ to wake him?!" yelled Usopp, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth to mute himself.

"Tch, he's not asleep." Zoro then yawned, falling into his hammock.

"He's in for a rough few days," said Chopper as he neatly lay in bed. "Withdrawal symptoms are pretty rough, especially for a chain smoker like him."

"Withdrawal symptoms?" asked Luffy.

"It's when your body craves whatever drug you regularly use. Migraine, nausea, vomiting, headaches, insomnia, shaky limbs, hallucinations, etc."

"Sanji's gonna die!"

"Luffy, go to sleep!"

The next morning I woke up as usual, and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Unable to recall the previous events of the day before, I searched for my cigarettes. Unable to find one I gave up, deciding upon what to cook. Starting to get a slight headache, I drank some water and ate some of my food. I had decided to cook hash browns and pancakes, with of course eggs on the side.

As I cooked a slight buzz rang in my ear. I ignored it and continued to cook, my hands moving at an inhuman pace. By the time the food was ready the table was set and a full fledged headache was on. As always when I had finished making a meal, I walked outside to smoke my reward.

"Hey idiots – breakfast is ready!" I yelled. Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper came down, chanting food all the way. "Good morning ladies," I said, trying to charm the two ladies of the ship. I started to turn out my pockets, looking for my cigarette . Zoro walked past me and I suddenly remembered the events of the previous day.

Giving up I walked inside. Luffy was stealing everyone's food, Usopp telling a story of him being a great captain, Zoro eating as much food before he lost it to narcolepsy or Luffy. Yume and Chopper were discussing something scientific while Nami was trying to be referee – failing at it horribly. I sat down beside Yume and gingerly ate my food.

"Sanji, are you feeling ok?" she asked.

"No, not really, no," I said, massaging head, trying to relieve my pain. "I have a pretty bad headache."

"Oh, I'm sorry Sanji," moaned Yume.

"Oh you could never do anything wrong Yume-chwan!" Nearly everyone rolled their eyes.

"Well at least he's normal, sighed a relieved Chopper. "After breakfast I'll give you an aspirin." He ate some toast. "You'll need it."

I thanked him and continued to eat, my appetite slowly winding away as my headache grew steadily worse. A few minutes later all the noise grew far too painful and I once again retreated to the safety of my hammock. I tried to ignore all the sounds, but that grew impossible by the minute. The ocean falling over the side of the ship, groans and creeks from the old wood, and the swaying of the hammocks all echoed in my mind in a painful tornado of sound. I cringed in pain as Chopper walked down to me, his loud footsteps being torture.

"Here," the doctor said softly, giving me a pill. I took it graciously and went back into my cave of blankets.

I don't know how long I was down there. Three, four days? I soon found it had been only a few hours of this torture. My head was being split open with a meat cleaver, ice picks being shoved into my temples; or was it that my skull was continually shrinking, squishing my brain. Lastly, I decided that my head was being drilled into, my brain sucked out of a straw, grinded into a blender, and served as a smoothie with a hint of lemon and peppermint.

Nausea set in and I found myself outside, heaving over the side of the ship. Whipping the stomach acid off my mouth I looked around, cringing at the sunlight. I spent the rest of the day emptying my stomach and listening to the ongoing conversation of my crewmen.

"Sanji's gonna die!" cried Luffy.

"He's not going to die," said Yume shortly.

"I know! I'll give him meat! Meat fixes everything!"

"Meat fixes nothing."

"Does to."

"Does not."

"Does to."

"Does not."

"Does to."

"Does no- oh forget it! Just leave Sanji alone. He wouldn't be able to keep down whatever you give him in the first place."

"Fine if you say so."

As Luffy left I could hear Yume lightly approach me. She then gently rubbed out a knot I didn't know I had. We stayed in silence for quite some time, until I started to chuckle. She looked at me puzzled so I explained.

"Carrots. Why is it always carrots?" She laughed along with me and made sure I didn't fall over the side – limp from exhaustion. "I bet I look _so_ attractive now."

I must have fainted for I woke in the middle of the night on a couch by the women's cabin – being the only place that was quiet. Normally I would have been _thrilled_ with this idea, but right now I was focusing on not dieing. My headache was as bad as always and I squinted in pain and sleep. Nami was asleep – hand tight on a treasure map. Yume slept at the desk, face stuck to the book she was previously reading.

I tried to stand up, but a mind-splinting pain kept me down. Chopper came in to check up on me, a glass of water and pill at hand. He smiled at seeing me awake and handed over the offerings to the god of illness. As always I took them without hesitation and thanked the young doctor.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Peachy," I answered searching for a cigarette out of habit.

"Well that's good to hear." Apparently he hadn't heard the sarcasm in my voice. "Unfortunately the worst is yet to come."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Sorry, no." I sighed, thrusting my hands into the depths of my pockets.

"I need a light."

"Sanji, I'm curious, how many did you smoke a day?"

"Three to four…"

"Three to four? Is that it?"

"…Three to four packs…" Chopper gapped and I snapped my fingers in his face to bring him back to reality.

"May God take pity on you," he mumbled. "At least it will all be over soon."

Neither I nor the doctor knew when exactly soon was; after five minutes I was back at the deck, heaving out the precious pill I had ingested. A few minutes passed, dry heave after dry heave. The next three days went insanely slowly. My insomnia kept me up and my migraine kept me down, the nausea keeping me on my feet and the exhaustion keeping my body limp.

Nami caught me rolling up a paper with several different spices in it. I swore to her that it was just for the dinner that night. For some reason she didn't believe me. Perhaps it was, because I had said I wasn't cooking while I felt like – like this. She wouldn't listen and insisted that I give to her my lighter. When I refused she banded me from all fire substances.

Since I was still feeling under the weather, my crewmen went hungry. Luffy was ordered out from the kitchen for all of existence, and the cooking baton was passed to Zoro. After diner Nami and Usopp joined me by the deck and it was decided that Usopp would be my replacement for the time.

Days passed and Chopper started to worry, wondering why my withdrawal symptoms had not stopped. His _hypothesis_ was that since I had started smoking at a young age, and had smoked so much of the stuff that my body was very, _very_, use to nicotine. It was to the point that I needed it just to feel normal; and boy did I want to feel normal.

I grew agitated and bitter towards everyone. I stopped flirting with the women and was harsh and even cruel to the men. On one particularly bad day I snapped at the young doctor, sending the six year old into tears. Yume came by shortly afterward to sort things out. Without realizing it I snapped at her – big time. My words were like venom, stinging like a slap. She left, poisoned and hurt. I didn't care, I just wanted a light.

"Great going smart one," said a voice behind me. I looked around for the unknown enemy to find myself. We blinked and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again he was still there.

"Oh god, I'm as crazy as Luffy," I grumbled, hand draped over my hand.

"What, not going to ask who I am?" he asked.

"No, I'm sure you're me." I pulled a lollipop out of my pocket. Yume had given it to me to try and keep me away from the nicotine. Looking at it I felt a twinge of regret.

"Yeah let your conscious be your guide and all that jazz." He let out a loud whistle. "And man did you ever need one, what with the way you treated that woman."

"Don't remind me."

"Hey Love-cook, who ya talkin' to?" asked Zoro as he woke up from a narcoleptic nap on the other side of the ship.

"Oh now you've done it," said the other me.

"Myself," I said sarcastically. Zoro asked if I had done anything to Yume for she looked distressed. I swore at him loudly, telling him to mind his own business.

"No wonder she looked like she was gonna cry," muttered Zoro, sulking away from me. I clutched my head in pain and swore louder.

"You in pain?' asked the other me.

"What was your first guess?"

"Chopper has pain killers, right?"

"Yeah what of it? I've already taken my dosage for this hour."

"This pain you have," he walked behind me and whispered in my ear, "I can get rid of if."

"How?!" I asked frantically, pulling on the coat of the other me. "When?!" I held his coat as I held to the only glimpse of happiness I had in the past few days. If I believed in it long enough and held to it long enough, it would become real. "Do it!"

"Easy, easy! Just give me by nicotine." My face fell as the happiness slipped from my hands.

"I – I can't." I dropped my head in defeat.

"You can't?"

"I can't , I quit."

"Oh" he laughed, tossing his head in the air and guffawing. "_You_ quit."

"Yes, I did."

"Oh, well then, that migraine, let's make it worse." My head throbbed and I clutched it again – sure that my ears would soon ooze pools of blood. "And I don't like that you can sleep it off. Let's give you insomnia. Oh, and one last thing – whatever you eat will come back to talk." I heaved over the side, looking over my shoulder when I was finished to see the other me smirking.

"Why are you doing this?" I managed to ask.

"Because you won't give me my nicotine; and I can. Just give me my nicotine and all this pain will go away." He started to walk away. "All this pain will be a distant memory."

"I can't. I quit." The other me tutted, waving his finger in my direction.

"Ah Sanji, simple minded, stupid Sanji. How quickly do we forget my first statement." When I looked confused he smirked again, puffing at the cigarette in his mouth. I looked at it hungrily but did not ask for one. "There is another way to get rid of this pain."

"How?" I yelled horsely.

"Chopper has pain killers. All those instructions on medicine – it's more of a guideline to the fool hardy. Now are you fool hardy?"

"No," I answered, slumping against a wall. "Can you get it for me. I don't think I have the energy."

"No, I'm a figment of your imagination. I can no more get it for you than you can fly."

I can't remember the things that came to follow; just bits and pieces here and there. Me in the doctor's office, opening up three pill bottles. A dry mouth and laying on the floor. Shouting and yelling – calmed by darkness and an ever growing numbness. A few jagged bits of conversation came in.

"Sanji, hold on," franticly yelled Yume, clinging to my arm.

"I told ya he was gonna die!"

"Shut up Luffy – get out of the way! Doctor coming through!"

"How much has he ingested?"

_"Hey Sanji-chan, want a light, shorty?" asked a man with basg under his eyes. He smoked with three other men during the sea restaurant's break hour. All the men would have been labeled as _cool_, but I knew better. I _knew_ it was bad for your health. _

"_Get a life," I retorted. "And it's kun now – I'm thirteen." _

"_Oh, excuse me," laughed the man, breathing deeply into his cigarette. _That was when it started.

"_You woos," laughed another man. _

"_I ain't a woos! I just don't wanna die!" I _knew_ it was deadly. _

"_Tch, Sanji-chan you won't die." _

"_And no one lives forever." _

"_And it feels so good." I knew the consequences of smoking…but still…_

_I found that everyone loved those guys. They were the essence of cool. And another perk seemed to be that women loved it when they smoked. I would do anything to get the attention of those women. I would do anything to be as cool as those guys…even if it meant casting ruin to the rest of my life. _

_I ignored them and continued working as a chef, but after a while of the continuous things over and over again I finally gave in. As everyone did I coughed, my lungs not use to the smoke. As I had learned later the carbon monoxide had taken the place of oxygen in my blood stream – leaving me a bit dizzy. Unfortunately I liked it, and came back for more. _

_What's worse is that I started to get attention from all the women who came. The guys started calling me kun as I had wanted and the title chan was easily forgotten. I finally felt accepted and didn't care of the consequences. I always thought that nothing bad would happen to me – I was invincible. _

_Soon I was smoking everyday, and being a chain smoker was the usual. I became the cool guy. It was as if everyone was bowing down to me. One of the guys I smoked with died quickly from a heart attack. No one thought that it was because of the smoke, he was just unlucky. _

_I was faced with reality and spat in its face. "It ain't gonna happen to me." I couldn't quit, even if I wanted to. _

…_in a single day I cursed my entire life…_

Blackness and a bone chilling cold, followed by rapid and jagged breathing. The pain and heat was gone. Everything was still black and more words could be heard.

"He's stable now but we need to keep an eye on him."

"He should eat meat – meat will help."

"Luffy, please."

"I'll take first shift. After all it is all my fault."

"No one blames you."

"But it is."

The same blackness took over and I woke, hungry, nauseous, and wanting a light as badly as air. I opened my eyes and found myself in a bed in the doctor's office. Everyone was sleeping around my bed, as we did whenever someone was deathly ill. Zoro, Luffy, and Usopp were all fighting in their sleep, something we had done since first getting on this ship. No doubt I had fought with them in my sleep as well, even in the drugged sleep. I looked to my side, seeing that Yume had fallen asleep on the edge of my bed. I sighed and scratched my head. Yume's eyes fluttered open and she smiled.

"Sanji," she breathed, relief sweeping across her face. "You're awake."

Some of the others stirred from their sleep. Soon everyone was woken from their slumber. Luffy and Usopp danced and cheered. Nami prayed a thank you, hands over her chest. Chopper smiled and joined Usopp and Luffy. Zoro woke and said nothing, though his expression was pleased. The captain then jumped onto me, an ear to ear smile planted on his face.

"See! I told ya he was gonna live!" he yelled.

"No you didn't!" corrected everyone.

"Pay up, he lived," Zoro said to Usopp. The man groaned and pulled five dollars from his pocket. "Keep it comin'." Zoro outstretched his hands.

The entire room was alive with excitement at my being alive. Luffy wanted to celebrate with meat, upon which no one agreed. I chuckled and got up to make food as Luffy argued with his crew. The women pushed me back into my chair – telling me to rest. I was reluctant but obliged. In our agreement the women left the room, taking the men with them and managing to shut up the happy go lucky captain.

The next day I woke with a hunger pain. My nausea and migraine had left – being replaced with a slight headache. It appeared my aliments were reversing now. I walked out of the medicine ward and into my kitchen. It was not as clean as when I had left it. A few plates lay in ruin here and there, bits of food attracting the rodent stowaways. Sighing, I quickly cleaned house and went to work on breakfast.

"Mmm! Sanji-kun! It all smells so good!" said Yume, coming downstairs to the kitchen.

"Sounds like he's back to his old self," said Nami, following the other woman.

"Banana crepes, French toast, and a fruit salad made of grapes, watermelon, apples and strawberries," I said, placing the bowls and plates on the table. "Only the best of the best for the women of the best of the best." I looked up at them with a huge smile, my eyes shinning with a certain gleen.

"Oh" Yume waved her hand at him in embarrassment.

"Yeah, he's back to his normal self," groaned Nami.

"You sure you're up to this?" asked Yume.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

"That's good to hear. I was getting tired of Usopp's food. It all tastes the same,' moaned Nami.

"It does not!' Usopp yelled, joining breakfast with the rest of the crew. "You are just missing the supreme skill of my cooking!" proudly proclaimed the first class liar.

"Oi! Sanji! Where's the meat?" yelled Luffy, looking distraught as he gazed upon the food Sanji had cooked.

"We're having fruits and vegetables today. No doubt you've all got scurvy from not eating any," I said, casting a look at Usopp.

"What are you blamin' at me for?!" he yelled in defense.

"I never said I was."

The next few days turned to the next month and day by day every day seemed like the last. My headaches grew less and less painful and numerous. Sometimes I would go entire hours until feeling one. But alas, the curse of nicotine was still steadfast on its hold. Every single day and every single minute of every day I thought of it. No, this word is not enough to describe my longing. I craved for it as a plant craves water. Even more than that. As much as a bird craves to fly and as much as a fish loves to swim. I missed my smoking, and felt alone without it.

Halfway through the month we finally reached land and set off for its port. Yume came with me to find something for me to eat, in order to make my cravings not as bad. Chopper said that if I found something else that wasn't harmful to get addicted on, be my guest. He also had suggested I eat sunflower seeds, something expensive and small. Instead I found myself in a foreign land, confused and annoyed.

"Tell me again why we are here?" I asked for the third time in twelve minutes.

"Because we're getting you some snakes like a lollipop and gum. Geese, what do you have a concussion or something?" Yume answered annoyingly. She had chosen to come with me, though I think it was just to make sure I didn't start smoking again.

I indeed was in a strange land. It was a candy shop with pink decorations all around. Over fifty different kinds of candies lay amongst the pink. And over sixty different shades of pink were scattered though out the store. Children ran up and down the aisles, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs. It would give a normal person a headache, let alone someone whom just got through withdrawal symptoms. A child ran into me and fell to the ground. I turned to look at him, a glare on my face. The kid screamed bloody murder and ran for it.

"Sanji-kun, you're scaring the children," laugh Yume beside me. I looked to her, the glare still on my face. She paled and instantly stopped laughing. We never did speak of the "Candy Store" incident again.

Standing in line I smelled something familiar. My body moved of its own accord and I never heard Yume calling my name. When I finally realizes where I was, I found a cigarette in my mouth. A woman in front of me held out a lighter and was about to ignite the candle in my mouth. It all came down to this. If I accepted the light I was back to where I started. If I tossed it then… an image of Yume smiling passed into my mind.

"Wait!' I said abruptly, taking the cigarette out of my mouth.

"Wait what?" asked the woman.

"Sorry but I can't accept." I shoved the cigarette into her hands. "I quit." I said sadly, looking down at the cigarette, expecting it to jump to life and order me to smoke it. Looking away I moved to the candy store. The woman huffed and said something about men these days. I didn't hear much else as I was hugged to death by Yume.

"I saw everything in the line!' she cheered. "Great job!" I smiled and enjoyed the female affection I was being given.

_…in a single day I cast ruin to my life…._

…_in another single day I saved all those around me from my idiotic blunder…_

…_and that is my story…_

* * *

Yume: And that's my story

Sanji: (clapps) Yay! Mellorine! Mellorine!

Yume: Aw shucks, thanks Sanji-kun.

Sanji: T-T but there was one thing missing.

Yume: O.o oh? What was it?

Sanji: Nami-swan and Yume-swan in a wet shirt contest! (jumps up and down with hearts in his eyes)

Yume: o.o (blushing) ehhh...

Jango: On the count of One, Two Jango you will all review!

Usopp: Eh? That's random.

Zoro: -.- (asleep)

Jango: One! Two! Jango!!!


End file.
